Have you ever entertained fantasies about binding your partner or having yourself bound? You are not alone. Increasingly, people are becoming more relaxed about BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Dominance, Sadomasochism). Few are curious. Some are exploring aspects of it. In the world of bondage, Shibari, Japanese rope bondage, is attracting followers from around the world.
Shibari, “to tie” in Japanese, is a style of bondage which involves tying a person in simple yet visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope such as jute, hemp or linen.
Also referred as Kinbaku, “tight binding,” attempting Japanese bondage for the first time can be intimidating for both rope tops (the ones who tie) and rope bottoms (the ones who are tied).
You might believe that you’d need to know a hundred patterns, bend into a pretzel, and only use hand-treated ropes imported from Japan.
In actuality, you may have great sessions with just one knot, average flexibility while utilizing a necktie.
Here are some insights to help make your Shibari exploration more meaningful:
Shibari is connection
Aesthetically pleasing, Shibari with its pretty patterns and detailed knotwork easily can mesmerize. Many assume that the technique and beauty of the resulting creation are the heart and soul of Shibari. This misses the true purpose of the art. Japanese rope bondage is a mechanism we can use to authentically express our emotions with our partners. It is a beautiful and creative way to communicate our true feelings to those we love.
Similar to musicians, painters, dancers, or performers, Shibari artists understand the distinction between mechanically executing a set of steps versus investing your feelings into the craft.
In one of her demonstrations, Shibari artist Gorgone explained:
“When you tie your partner, the rope is merely an excuse to interact with each other. See it as an extension of your body… Rope is only a tool to communicate. It’s the language, not the subject.
What really matters is what you have to say, who you’re talking to, what you hope to hear in return, and how you want to say it.”
Exploring the terrain of desire as a shared experience with your partner deepens your connection with each other. Shibari can be sultry, intense, passionate, challenging, playful or blissful. Technique and beauty may be significant aspects of rope bondage but intimacy and authentic expression are its rewards. Shibari is a beautiful way to connect with your partner.
Shibari offers the world
The reasons to engage in Shibari are as varied and diverse as its practitioners. Their approaches, what captures their imaginations and the wisdoms they attain are as limitless as their intentions. There are those who:
- enjoy how beautiful they or their partners look when bound
- enjoy submitting/surrendering to a dominant partner
- like the thrill of leading/dominating a submissive partner
- feel fulfilled when their partner trusts them with their safety
- are aroused when they can’t resist their lover’s advances
- want deeper levels of connection with their loved one(s)
- like the creative challenge of adapting to different partners
- are after a deeply emotional experience
- see fear and pain as natural sensations that can be enjoyed
- appreciate flirting with the taboo of being “forced” to submit
- find the experience of being bound to be relaxing
- want a break from the stress of deadlines, exams, etc.
- feel that being bound in rope is liberating/spiritual
- like being tied up alongside their partner(s)
- And so on!
Shibari is an opportunity to explore our desires, no matter how unusual or kinky they might be. There is no right or wrong when it comes to desire. It doesn’t need to fit into a specific box as long as there is consensual agreement among the partners. When trust and respect are in place, you can freely explore your desires. Give yourself to them.
Be creative. Be loving. Be kinky. Have fun and be safe. It is that simple.
Shibari demands respect
Bondage is dangerous. Suspension and floor-based rope bondage are not safe. Most professional and seasoned rope artists begin their demonstrations with this warning.
Accidents occur even to skilled rope artists. However, accidents are more likely when we skip training and rush to play outside our skill level. Some of the injuries sustained by rope bottoms include asphyxiation, concussion, fracture, circulation loss, nerve damage and dislocation. Some injuries have led to fatalities. The risks are real even for the experts.
Aside from physical trauma, people can also be hurt mentally and emotionally. Sexual assault, psychological trauma, consent violations, betrayals of trust, and emotional neglect are all possible consequences of a bondage session gone bad.
Seek out and take advantage of technical Shibari workshops and resources. Most offer basic safety training. Some offer instruction on consent and building trust.
Safety and consent are fundamental components to any type of bondage play. They allow you and your partner to have more freedom and peace of mind to enjoy your bondage sessions.
Being patient pays off. As they say, “Learn to crawl before you walk, walk before you run, and run before you fly.”
Shibari is a personal expression
Presentations of rope bondage are typically depicted with a male rope top and a female rope bottom. The activity seems to follow a predictable pattern and culminates in an orgasm.
In practice, Shibari, as an expression, is only limited by our creativity. It can be sexual or non-sexual. It can be cold or warm or everything in between. We can be clothed or naked. We can be in darkness or in light.
The activity often portrayed in demonstrations are merely exemplars. Let them inspire us to explore further and reach for expressions that are unique to us and celebrate who we are.
The stereotypical demonstrations are suggestions. If you don’t like a particular aspect, you should change it or do something else. Select which aspects you want in your sessions and leave out what you don’t want.
You can discuss how sexual or non-sexual your scene should be, which mood or intensity you want for the experience, whether you’ll allow photography and who gets to keep copies, if there are some positions and feelings you don’t want, and so on.
You can even decide how (and how often) you want to do check-ins with your partner. Should the check-ins be verbal or non-verbal? Do you want the rope top to be checking in regularly, or should it be the bottom’s responsibility to speak up when something feels off?
Japanese rope artist Midori with fellow educator Zoe Ligon shared the importance of negotiating with your partner before each session:
“Even if we were lovers and life partners, your day is going to be different day-to-day, and my day is going to be different. I want to play with us now—not the us of yesterday or tomorrow.”
Shibari is available online
We can follow and learn from our favorite artists from anywhere we can connect to the Internet. Shibari has become much more accessible in recent years. There are online courses, archives of demonstration videos, live streams of performances and Q&As.
Shibari schools have now launched their own series of online courses, connecting students worldwide with so many quality instructors. Students can learn from internationally recognized teachers in the comfort of their homes.
Bear in mind that studying from videos and online instruction has its limitations. Approach them with a curious mind, ask questions and seek clarifications.
While the virtual lessons are quite exceptional, Shibari is an art of intimate engagement. The digital experience does not supplant the in-person experience.
Eventually, you will be working with an actual partner. Like any physical relationship, you will need to communicate with them, listen, negotiate, build trust and engender respect.
The most significant aspects of Shibari can only be learned in real-life application. In the end, it is the vulnerability of exploring our desires that delivers us the ethereal grace and beauty of Japanese rope bondage.
Resources:
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage